"I am a bit speechless, as I have no frame of reference for what I am experiencing"
| Success Story | |
|---|---|
| Auditor | Dex Gelfand, Auditor |
| Auditing Success | Auditing |
| Website | http://dexsessions.com/ |
| dextergelfand@yahoo.com | |
Wins from recent auditing
I don't really know what to say. I am a bit speechless, as I have no frame of reference for what I am experiencing. I know something big has happened and something has shifted for me. For many years now on the inside (in the C of S), I would go in and originate that something felt "off" or was wrong, and I hoped the error in my folder would be spotted. The response I typically got was that I just need to continue on to the next thing and it would eventually resolve. Eventually after being audited till after 3 am, the next morning I was given the "R Factor" that I was not Clear after having attested to it in the early 90's at Flag. I knew at that moment I was being lied to. I knew what I had experienced. Nonetheless I persisted a bit longer until I had the time to observe more. I had someone tell me they had the same R factor 6 times. I was somewhat discouraged, and after, while in a very problematic marriage that thankfully has ended, I would often find myself thinking, “I wish it was all over”. I was traumatized by how I had lived my life and what I had given of myself to go free in this way. I wanted my life to end and often thought about it. I had lost all hope and when I had mentioned this to my friend who was on the inside, I was told not to do it because it would make the Church look bad! There was no, “Man, how can I really help this guy who had spent all these years here”. I left. I found out about Dexter through a friend who had left. I hadn't known her intimately or for very long, but I knew that I trusted her even though there were those who cut their connection to her. I'm guessing they didn't even spend an evening or two getting to know her, but at the encouragement of others they drew the line and cut it. I'm so glad I trusted my own counsel and heart. In the very first session with Dexter I rehabbed some of my earliest wins. They were big and they were why I had stuck it out so long. Throughout my experiences I noticed that just as soon as I had a huge win, someone would move in, and, by pressuring me, cave me in to the point where I needed to have another fix-me-up. This would happen over and over and over again. I went into debt, I mismanaged my finances, I had to sell my house, I lost the respect of my children, I lost my pride and dignity amongst my colleagues. Had I taken a vow of poverty and entered the priesthood someplace I would have been given some sense of respect, but here I lost most of it. By most measures I am very accomplished, respected, but I knew what thoughts reigned in my heart and the exterior did not match the interior. Oftentimes I would hear someone speak of their wins on an OT level and I would think that I needed to get to that point before I would have my life back. One time in particular comes to mind. A woman in her 50's attested to OT 6 and mentioned that so much charge or mass had blown. Earlier she felt she was aging, her body was getting worn down and her spirit as well. As a completion she now felt alive, exuberant as a teenager or younger and had an entirely new outlook on life. How wonderful and tragic at the same time. I just finished my fourth or fifth session with Dexter. I don't know exactly what has just happened, but I have come out realizing that I am going to be alright. Everything has become quiet and serene for me. For the first time since I was 3 or 4 years old I am walking around feeling safe and secure and peaceful, like that young child walking in his yard in wonder at the beauty of the world and all that was present before him in that moment. I feel like a four year old Zen Master. I am back to perceiving things about people, only I have an adult and educated mind now. I have realized with great, great depth that I am an infinite spiritual being. I’ve had many, many lives and they are all irrelevant. I don't have to worry because I have already experienced everything before, so I don't have to play the “I'm worried what will happen” game anymore. I can have all I want to have but have no obsessive need of anything (although motorcycles are always good :)). My havingness is very high. I sat on my deck and read for two days and walked down the street to my shop and felt so "in the moment" and content or serene. I still have things going on that are a bummer, but they will fix and I will have a wonderful life with the most wonderful woman in the world. I spotted that I thought that big beings have big problems, but it is a total lie. I can be a big being and not have to have big problems. I do not need the adventure of having some undesirable thing happening to me for excitement or drama or to feel alive or to struggle. I have done this enough and am letting it go. I have my life back and I will do well with it. I will create a future that I want. I have my life back. I have my life back. I have myself back and am back connected to the totality of knowing without the need to know. Thank you Dexter, you have given someone their life back, you have restored another being back to feeling like the world was perfect and full of wonder and trust and love and honesty to a good person who thought it was all gone. XOXO